Post by osiris2009 on May 13, 2008 19:09:50 GMT -5
* Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.
* The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
* You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
* You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
* Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
* You find your sons GI Joe doll dressed in drag.
* You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out
of the city.
* Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
* Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grape-
fruit down the toilet.
* You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead
of deodorant.
* You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue
in your Preparation H
* You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
* You start to put up the clothes you wore home from the party last night
...and there aren't any.
* It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
* You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that
you just bought a waterbed.
* Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.
* Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
* The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
* You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
* You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your
business.
* Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.
* Your income tax refund check bounces.
* You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
* You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't
wearing any.
* You need one bathroom scale for each foot.
* You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight
and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
* The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one
has touched it.
* Nothing you own is actually paid for.
* You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk,
bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.
* You receive a 150-page instruction booklet on how to save money...from
the electric company.
* Airline food starts to taste good.
* Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
* Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
* You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.
* You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.
* You take longer to get over sex than you did to have it.
* Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens
in your dresser drawer.
* Everyone loves your driver's license picture.
* You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is
yours.
* Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
* Your aunt Maddie, who has two poodles and a chihuahua, tells you that
her doctor just recommended plenty of rest in a warm, dry climate...and
you live in Arizona.
* The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
* You look out the window of the airplane and the Goodyear Blimp is gain-
ing on you.
* The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
* People think you are 40...and you really are.
* You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the
numbers on the sign outside changed.
* Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." And you
remember that you were home by yourself.
* Everyone is laughing but you.
* The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
* You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
* You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
* Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
* You find your sons GI Joe doll dressed in drag.
* You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out
of the city.
* Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
* Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grape-
fruit down the toilet.
* You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead
of deodorant.
* You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue
in your Preparation H
* You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
* You start to put up the clothes you wore home from the party last night
...and there aren't any.
* It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
* You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that
you just bought a waterbed.
* Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.
* Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
* The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
* You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
* You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your
business.
* Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.
* Your income tax refund check bounces.
* You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
* You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't
wearing any.
* You need one bathroom scale for each foot.
* You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight
and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
* The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one
has touched it.
* Nothing you own is actually paid for.
* You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk,
bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.
* You receive a 150-page instruction booklet on how to save money...from
the electric company.
* Airline food starts to taste good.
* Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
* Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
* You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.
* You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.
* You take longer to get over sex than you did to have it.
* Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens
in your dresser drawer.
* Everyone loves your driver's license picture.
* You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is
yours.
* Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
* Your aunt Maddie, who has two poodles and a chihuahua, tells you that
her doctor just recommended plenty of rest in a warm, dry climate...and
you live in Arizona.
* The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
* You look out the window of the airplane and the Goodyear Blimp is gain-
ing on you.
* The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
* People think you are 40...and you really are.
* You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the
numbers on the sign outside changed.
* Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." And you
remember that you were home by yourself.
* Everyone is laughing but you.
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