Post by The Chupster on Nov 16, 2008 18:52:08 GMT -5
Just venting some stress, sort'a. And stuff. Anyway.
So here's the skinny.
For the last... well, about 4 months, I think... there's just been a lot of stupid crap going on that's just stressed us all to our breaking points. Goofy workplace crap, people (mostly relatives, but others as well) being petty and stupid, just... well, a lot of stuff. Almost on a daily basis, though it's slowed somewhat.
Tamara sort of had an opportunity fall in her lap. She can accept a position in South Carolina that has the potential to make a lot more than we normally make together. Right now, she works in a call center, doing phone support for credit card machines. This new job will be actually going out into the field and servicing/installing credit card machines.
The downside is that she won't get paid during training, which lasts anywhere from under a month to a month and a half. Which is no big deal, we can handle that.
After a support call from the guy that she was interviewing with first, and a second interview because the head guy that would be her boss was in town for training- all by chance- she's been offered the job. So yep, we're moving.
We'll likely be moving into a larger apartment for a few months while we get our bearings, unless we find the time to take a trip to South Carolina to look at some more houses first. We already made a brief, hurried 1-day trip down there to look at a couple, and while one was decent, we're determined to find a place that's perfect for us before we commit to buying a place.
But we'll be living in or very near Greenville, South Carolina. Needless to say, during this transition period, I very likely won't be on a whole lot, but I'll be around here and there- just depends on how quickly I can get internet access.
The part I'm stressing about is, we haven't told anyone yet. Well, much. We've told friends and co-workers, but we haven't told our respective families. But we're doing that tonight.
My wife just went to dinner with her parents to tell them. Now, her mother hates me to begin with- to an insane degree- so I'm expecting that to go badly. But she's the most evil person I've ever known in my life, so I really don't care about her opinion one way or the other.
The problem is going to be with my mother. This woman has kept me under her thumb my entire life. We haven't gotten along well for most of that, mainly because she insists on calling me at least once a night to grill me on, well, everything in my life. And being the relatively private person that I am, that irritates me to no end.
I don't know if I've brought up my mom and my issues with her before, but it's insane- we've argued left, right and center and it always ends the same: she continues calling every single night and driving me nuts with her stupid questions ("What're you doing? What's Ben doing? What's Tamara doing?" Literally, right in a damn row), and over the last few years I've just been like, okay, I'm fucking 33 years old now, piss OFF.
I've tried explaining to her calmly that she needs to cut it the hell out. So has Tamara. It's just crazy, and I've never been able to get away from her, and it just drives me nuts. She has no consideration for the feelings of others. She used to call my cousins every night too, even after they got married, even though they hated it as much as I do, and the only thing that stopped her was pretty much the family falling apart.
I hate that I can't stand my mother, but she refuses to make any concessions in regards to anyone else's feelings. It's always about what she wants. Always has been. She's paranoid and thinks that just because I'm not in her direct line of sight, I'm going to be dead in a ditch somewhere or some shit, and that's one thing when I'm a 12-year old latchkey kid, but another entirely when I'm a 33-year old man that's down to his last motherfucking nerve.
I don't expect tonight to go well. I expect her to react badly; I mean, this is a woman that, during an argument, has asked me point-blank if my life would be easier if she just killed herself. Yeah, we're talking about that kind of immature bullshit here. And every single time we get into an argument, it's "I've never been anything but good to you," which is great, yeah, she's helped me out of some financial jams, and done a lot for me in general, but I've told her over and over that I'd give up everything she's done if she'd just back the hell off.
Anyway- just stress. Here in about 3 hours I'll be telling her and everything will go straight to hell. Most likely.
On a less personal level, I hate like hell that it'll massively restrict her from seeing Ben. Ben loves her to death, and he typically sees her a couple of times a week. I imagine changing that to once every other month is going to be a kick in her "I don't need a man" vaginuts, and I hate it because I know that she's miserable by herself, and that she's just scrabbling to keep hold of someone, anyone, to give her life some meaning, but at this point, I'm tired of worrying about her wigging out. I mean, we're moving, end of discussion. Arguing with her almost every day goes a long way toward making this impending discussion (and the decision that it's about) a lot easier.
I dunno. Sometimes, she's okay. Sometimes, when she stops being a psychotic freak for a few minutes, I see the mom that I grew up with and everything's just good- usually around the holidays. I love her to death, don't get me wrong- she's just tried so hard to shove herself into my life that I almost can't stand being around her, and it's had the opposite effect of making me want to get away from her, which I have wanted to for years anyway. I love her, but she drives me absolutely up the damn wall.
Honestly, I wish she'd see a councilor, get on some medication or something- she's just a really miserable human being, because her reaction to anyone disappointing her is "well I don't need them anyway," even though she holds everyone in her life at arm's length anyway. I mean, she went out with a guy for a decade. A DECADE. And when he'd finally had enough and left her, he told me, "I don't mean to be weird, Tom, but I want you to know, never once in all the time that I've went out with her have I even slept in her bed. I have to sleep on the couch." And I know it's true, I saw it pretty much until I moved out, and I can't imagine it changed much.
But she thinks that everything she says and does and thinks is right, and that she doesn't need any help, so there isn't a lot I can really do- not that at this point I give a damn. I dunno, I'm just venting a lotta crap, but even what I've put down here, it barely scratches the surface.
I mean, if someone told you that they didn't want to talk to you on the phone, wouldn't you stop calling them? If every time you called them they sounded hostile and worn down, would you keep calling them? I've even flat-out told her that she drives me right up the wall with this crap and that I'd move if she didn't leave me the hell alone, and... well, you see where we are.
Her excuse is that her mom and dad did the same thing with her. And I've told her, I'm not like that- I'm not her, I don't WANT to hear from ANYONE every single day. And that she still sees me as her little boy, and that I'll understand some day; I know for a fact that when my son or daughter leave the household, I'll miss them. It'll be sad, I'm sure. But I absolutely will not let those feelings manifest themselves into calling my kids so much that they hate and resent me for it. I won't. If for no other reason than I know what it's like, and by God, at the end of the day, everyone has to live their own lives. I'm not going to deprive my kids of that by grilling them nightly on every little thing that they do. That's just insane.
Anyway... I know, wall of text. About 2 hours to go... wish us luck.
So here's the skinny.
For the last... well, about 4 months, I think... there's just been a lot of stupid crap going on that's just stressed us all to our breaking points. Goofy workplace crap, people (mostly relatives, but others as well) being petty and stupid, just... well, a lot of stuff. Almost on a daily basis, though it's slowed somewhat.
Tamara sort of had an opportunity fall in her lap. She can accept a position in South Carolina that has the potential to make a lot more than we normally make together. Right now, she works in a call center, doing phone support for credit card machines. This new job will be actually going out into the field and servicing/installing credit card machines.
The downside is that she won't get paid during training, which lasts anywhere from under a month to a month and a half. Which is no big deal, we can handle that.
After a support call from the guy that she was interviewing with first, and a second interview because the head guy that would be her boss was in town for training- all by chance- she's been offered the job. So yep, we're moving.
We'll likely be moving into a larger apartment for a few months while we get our bearings, unless we find the time to take a trip to South Carolina to look at some more houses first. We already made a brief, hurried 1-day trip down there to look at a couple, and while one was decent, we're determined to find a place that's perfect for us before we commit to buying a place.
But we'll be living in or very near Greenville, South Carolina. Needless to say, during this transition period, I very likely won't be on a whole lot, but I'll be around here and there- just depends on how quickly I can get internet access.
The part I'm stressing about is, we haven't told anyone yet. Well, much. We've told friends and co-workers, but we haven't told our respective families. But we're doing that tonight.
My wife just went to dinner with her parents to tell them. Now, her mother hates me to begin with- to an insane degree- so I'm expecting that to go badly. But she's the most evil person I've ever known in my life, so I really don't care about her opinion one way or the other.
The problem is going to be with my mother. This woman has kept me under her thumb my entire life. We haven't gotten along well for most of that, mainly because she insists on calling me at least once a night to grill me on, well, everything in my life. And being the relatively private person that I am, that irritates me to no end.
I don't know if I've brought up my mom and my issues with her before, but it's insane- we've argued left, right and center and it always ends the same: she continues calling every single night and driving me nuts with her stupid questions ("What're you doing? What's Ben doing? What's Tamara doing?" Literally, right in a damn row), and over the last few years I've just been like, okay, I'm fucking 33 years old now, piss OFF.
I've tried explaining to her calmly that she needs to cut it the hell out. So has Tamara. It's just crazy, and I've never been able to get away from her, and it just drives me nuts. She has no consideration for the feelings of others. She used to call my cousins every night too, even after they got married, even though they hated it as much as I do, and the only thing that stopped her was pretty much the family falling apart.
I hate that I can't stand my mother, but she refuses to make any concessions in regards to anyone else's feelings. It's always about what she wants. Always has been. She's paranoid and thinks that just because I'm not in her direct line of sight, I'm going to be dead in a ditch somewhere or some shit, and that's one thing when I'm a 12-year old latchkey kid, but another entirely when I'm a 33-year old man that's down to his last motherfucking nerve.
I don't expect tonight to go well. I expect her to react badly; I mean, this is a woman that, during an argument, has asked me point-blank if my life would be easier if she just killed herself. Yeah, we're talking about that kind of immature bullshit here. And every single time we get into an argument, it's "I've never been anything but good to you," which is great, yeah, she's helped me out of some financial jams, and done a lot for me in general, but I've told her over and over that I'd give up everything she's done if she'd just back the hell off.
Anyway- just stress. Here in about 3 hours I'll be telling her and everything will go straight to hell. Most likely.
On a less personal level, I hate like hell that it'll massively restrict her from seeing Ben. Ben loves her to death, and he typically sees her a couple of times a week. I imagine changing that to once every other month is going to be a kick in her "I don't need a man" vaginuts, and I hate it because I know that she's miserable by herself, and that she's just scrabbling to keep hold of someone, anyone, to give her life some meaning, but at this point, I'm tired of worrying about her wigging out. I mean, we're moving, end of discussion. Arguing with her almost every day goes a long way toward making this impending discussion (and the decision that it's about) a lot easier.
I dunno. Sometimes, she's okay. Sometimes, when she stops being a psychotic freak for a few minutes, I see the mom that I grew up with and everything's just good- usually around the holidays. I love her to death, don't get me wrong- she's just tried so hard to shove herself into my life that I almost can't stand being around her, and it's had the opposite effect of making me want to get away from her, which I have wanted to for years anyway. I love her, but she drives me absolutely up the damn wall.
Honestly, I wish she'd see a councilor, get on some medication or something- she's just a really miserable human being, because her reaction to anyone disappointing her is "well I don't need them anyway," even though she holds everyone in her life at arm's length anyway. I mean, she went out with a guy for a decade. A DECADE. And when he'd finally had enough and left her, he told me, "I don't mean to be weird, Tom, but I want you to know, never once in all the time that I've went out with her have I even slept in her bed. I have to sleep on the couch." And I know it's true, I saw it pretty much until I moved out, and I can't imagine it changed much.
But she thinks that everything she says and does and thinks is right, and that she doesn't need any help, so there isn't a lot I can really do- not that at this point I give a damn. I dunno, I'm just venting a lotta crap, but even what I've put down here, it barely scratches the surface.
I mean, if someone told you that they didn't want to talk to you on the phone, wouldn't you stop calling them? If every time you called them they sounded hostile and worn down, would you keep calling them? I've even flat-out told her that she drives me right up the wall with this crap and that I'd move if she didn't leave me the hell alone, and... well, you see where we are.
Her excuse is that her mom and dad did the same thing with her. And I've told her, I'm not like that- I'm not her, I don't WANT to hear from ANYONE every single day. And that she still sees me as her little boy, and that I'll understand some day; I know for a fact that when my son or daughter leave the household, I'll miss them. It'll be sad, I'm sure. But I absolutely will not let those feelings manifest themselves into calling my kids so much that they hate and resent me for it. I won't. If for no other reason than I know what it's like, and by God, at the end of the day, everyone has to live their own lives. I'm not going to deprive my kids of that by grilling them nightly on every little thing that they do. That's just insane.
Anyway... I know, wall of text. About 2 hours to go... wish us luck.
