Post by The Chupster on Jun 20, 2008 21:50:06 GMT -5
In a hospital room, the artist formerly known as Bloodraven lays in a bed, propped up, watching television and trying desperately to ignore his bedside visitor: Justin Case. As the camera swings in, Justin flashes a toothy grin.
Justin: [/b][/color] Hi! This is Justin Case, and we're here, checking up on the recovery of OCW superstar and Coffin Puppet, Bloodraven.
Cerberus: Cerberus, jackass.
Justin (with just a hint of sarcasm): Right, I'm so sorry. So, when last we saw you, you were getting your head bounced off of a limo.
Cerberus: Justin...
Justin: ...for 30 minutes.
Cerberus: Yeah. Whatever.
Justin: Since then, you've been here. So what's the verdict? When will Cerberus return to OCW arenas?
Cerberus: If things go good, I should be back next week some time. There were some... complications.
Justin: Let's see the events that led up to this oh-so-tragic event.
Footage rolls of Cerberus hiding behind a car, waiting. Osiris appears in the parking lot, making his way to the arena entrance, and Cerberus rushes him from behind. What follows is a graphic montage of Cerberus getting slammed into various vehicles and other various hard objects until he finally flops over and stops moving. The camera then cuts back to a dejected Cerberus.
Justin: [/b][/color] Wow, you really took an ass-beating there. That's pretty much how it went the last time you attacked Osiris, isn't it?
Cerberus: Yeah...
Justin: So what possessed you to try it again?
Cerberus: I dunno. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Justin: So, these "complications." What exactly is it that's keeping you from active wrestling? You look okay.
Cerberus: C'mon, Case...
Justin (grinning): The fans have a right to know! And you know if you don't tell 'em, I will.
Cerberus: All right, all right... after the unfortunate... well, "attack," I sustained some internal damage, and uh...
Justin: Yes?
Cerberus (quietly): I, uh, can't control my bowels.
Justin raises both arms triumphantly.
Justin:[/b] [/color] YES!!! (he quickly returns to a slightly more professional tone) So, what you're saying is, Osiris beat the shit out of you. Literally.
Cerberus (irritated): I guess that's ONE way of putting it...
Justin: And, barring wearing a diaper to the ring, you won't be back actively until you stopping shitting all over yourself.
Cerberus: Look, it's getting better...
Justin: I'm sorry, but shitting yourself once constitutes a lack of anything resembling the word "better"- continuing the "streak"- pardon the pun- is just downright shitty.
Cerberus: Case, why don't you bend over and go fuck yourself.
Justin: WHOA, I'm sorry, we're going to have to end this interview- something stinks to hell in here, and I'm PRETTY SURE someone's gonna need to be cleaned up. Can we get a nurse and some wet-naps in here? Thanks! We'll keep up with Cerberus's recovery in the coming weeks. WHEW!
A nurse comes in, and the camera fades out.
Justin: [/b][/color] Hi! This is Justin Case, and we're here, checking up on the recovery of OCW superstar and Coffin Puppet, Bloodraven.
Cerberus: Cerberus, jackass.
Justin (with just a hint of sarcasm): Right, I'm so sorry. So, when last we saw you, you were getting your head bounced off of a limo.
Cerberus: Justin...
Justin: ...for 30 minutes.
Cerberus: Yeah. Whatever.
Justin: Since then, you've been here. So what's the verdict? When will Cerberus return to OCW arenas?
Cerberus: If things go good, I should be back next week some time. There were some... complications.
Justin: Let's see the events that led up to this oh-so-tragic event.
Footage rolls of Cerberus hiding behind a car, waiting. Osiris appears in the parking lot, making his way to the arena entrance, and Cerberus rushes him from behind. What follows is a graphic montage of Cerberus getting slammed into various vehicles and other various hard objects until he finally flops over and stops moving. The camera then cuts back to a dejected Cerberus.
Justin: [/b][/color] Wow, you really took an ass-beating there. That's pretty much how it went the last time you attacked Osiris, isn't it?
Cerberus: Yeah...
Justin: So what possessed you to try it again?
Cerberus: I dunno. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Justin: So, these "complications." What exactly is it that's keeping you from active wrestling? You look okay.
Cerberus: C'mon, Case...
Justin (grinning): The fans have a right to know! And you know if you don't tell 'em, I will.
Cerberus: All right, all right... after the unfortunate... well, "attack," I sustained some internal damage, and uh...
Justin: Yes?
Cerberus (quietly): I, uh, can't control my bowels.
Justin raises both arms triumphantly.
Justin:[/b] [/color] YES!!! (he quickly returns to a slightly more professional tone) So, what you're saying is, Osiris beat the shit out of you. Literally.
Cerberus (irritated): I guess that's ONE way of putting it...
Justin: And, barring wearing a diaper to the ring, you won't be back actively until you stopping shitting all over yourself.
Cerberus: Look, it's getting better...
Justin: I'm sorry, but shitting yourself once constitutes a lack of anything resembling the word "better"- continuing the "streak"- pardon the pun- is just downright shitty.
Cerberus: Case, why don't you bend over and go fuck yourself.
Justin: WHOA, I'm sorry, we're going to have to end this interview- something stinks to hell in here, and I'm PRETTY SURE someone's gonna need to be cleaned up. Can we get a nurse and some wet-naps in here? Thanks! We'll keep up with Cerberus's recovery in the coming weeks. WHEW!
A nurse comes in, and the camera fades out.
