Post by The Chupster on Dec 3, 2006 10:37:45 GMT -5
Backstage, Justin Case is seen walking through the hallway, half-facing the camera.
Justin: In a few moments, we're going to speak with the Chupacabra, who has been more or less silent since his less-than-successful attack on X-Caliber. Ah, this should be it.
Justin opens a door and the camera follows him into a large room. On one side stands the Chupacabra, wearing glasses and staring, chin in hand, at a massive chalkboard upon which are written several formulae.
Justin: Chupacabra, you requested...
Chupa: Shhh.
Chups scribbles out a couple more lines of symbol-heavy gibberish and stands back.
Chupa: [/color] Yup, that's it. Hey, Justin.
Justin: You requested an interview.
Chupa: Ah, well, not really, ah jus' wanted ta air mah findin's on X-Caliber.
Justin: Findings?
Chupa: See, first I thought his name was a reference ta King Arthur's legendary sword. Well Hell, it obviously ain't that; the boy ain't that sharp. So I looked at it this way.
Chupa points to a bit on the blackboard where the name is taken apart, without the hyphen:
x caliber
Chupa: So I start thinkin'...
Justin (rolling his eyes): ...and that's when things get dangerous...
Chupa: ...shaddup. I start thinkin', caliber. So, what caliber? Like, gun caliber? We talkin' bullets now? Well, no, cuz if he shoots like he wrassles then he couldn't hit my Great Aunt Petunia with a barrel'a buckshot. So I look it up, and find this 3rd meanin'...
Chupa points to another part of the board.
cal·i·ber /ˈkæləbər/ [kal-uh-ber]
–noun 2. degree of capacity or competence; ability
Justin: Yeah, okay...
Chupa: So x is a measure'a his ability as a wrassler. But findin' x, that was the hard part. So I tried a lotta stuff, I got his measurements...
Justin: How'd you manage that?
Chupa (grinning): Well, the sucker had ta sleep sometime. Anywho, I watched him in the gym and saw how much weight he's pressin', an' I started lookin' for the mysterious x, which is what this... (he gestures his arms wildly across the whole board) ...is all about. An' no matter how ya figger it, it comes down ta one simple equation.
Grabbing a large hunk of pink playground chalk, Chupa starts scribbling a long, complicated formula:
x = ((a + b + c) x h) / s^2
Justin (puzzled): So, what're we lookin' at here?
Chupa: Well see, x equals th' quantity of a plus b plus c times h over s squared.
Justin: Yeah, I got that, but what does it mean?
Chupa: x is X-Caliber's caliber. See, it's equal ta his agility- "a"- plus his body mass index- "b" + his courage...
Justin: How the hell do you measure that?
Chupa: HUSH!!! Courage- "c"- times his hemoglobin content, "h", over s squared. Which is why this directly correlates ta our first blood match at Overdrive, cuz X-Caliber, you ain't worth SHIT! (Chupa pulls out ol' Bessy and shakes her... well, it... at the camera) Cuz ya see, "s" stands for SLEDGEHAMMER, with which I'm gonna knock you SQUARE upside yer head, and there damn sure ain't no way I'm puttin' you OVER! So you get ready and you bring your testicles down ta that there ring, and at Overdrive, the Goatsucker's gonna give you an amazin' demonstration in physics. Like two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time, but I'm damn sure gonna try ta break that rule when I'm smackin' you upside the melon with ol' Bessy here, yessirEEE!!!
Justin keeps his grin up, staring at the frothing lunatic.
Justin: Well, gee, look, that's all the time we have! Join us later as the Chupacabra takes on X-Caliber in a first blood match.
Chupa: Hey, wait a minute, I wasn't...
Justin: Let's go back to ringside!
The Chupster whines at Justin as the camera cuts to ringside, moments before Overdrive begins.
Justin: In a few moments, we're going to speak with the Chupacabra, who has been more or less silent since his less-than-successful attack on X-Caliber. Ah, this should be it.
Justin opens a door and the camera follows him into a large room. On one side stands the Chupacabra, wearing glasses and staring, chin in hand, at a massive chalkboard upon which are written several formulae.
Justin: Chupacabra, you requested...
Chupa: Shhh.
Chups scribbles out a couple more lines of symbol-heavy gibberish and stands back.
Chupa: [/color] Yup, that's it. Hey, Justin.
Justin: You requested an interview.
Chupa: Ah, well, not really, ah jus' wanted ta air mah findin's on X-Caliber.
Justin: Findings?
Chupa: See, first I thought his name was a reference ta King Arthur's legendary sword. Well Hell, it obviously ain't that; the boy ain't that sharp. So I looked at it this way.
Chupa points to a bit on the blackboard where the name is taken apart, without the hyphen:
x caliber
Chupa: So I start thinkin'...
Justin (rolling his eyes): ...and that's when things get dangerous...
Chupa: ...shaddup. I start thinkin', caliber. So, what caliber? Like, gun caliber? We talkin' bullets now? Well, no, cuz if he shoots like he wrassles then he couldn't hit my Great Aunt Petunia with a barrel'a buckshot. So I look it up, and find this 3rd meanin'...
Chupa points to another part of the board.
cal·i·ber /ˈkæləbər/ [kal-uh-ber]
–noun 2. degree of capacity or competence; ability
Justin: Yeah, okay...
Chupa: So x is a measure'a his ability as a wrassler. But findin' x, that was the hard part. So I tried a lotta stuff, I got his measurements...
Justin: How'd you manage that?
Chupa (grinning): Well, the sucker had ta sleep sometime. Anywho, I watched him in the gym and saw how much weight he's pressin', an' I started lookin' for the mysterious x, which is what this... (he gestures his arms wildly across the whole board) ...is all about. An' no matter how ya figger it, it comes down ta one simple equation.
Grabbing a large hunk of pink playground chalk, Chupa starts scribbling a long, complicated formula:
x = ((a + b + c) x h) / s^2
Justin (puzzled): So, what're we lookin' at here?
Chupa: Well see, x equals th' quantity of a plus b plus c times h over s squared.
Justin: Yeah, I got that, but what does it mean?
Chupa: x is X-Caliber's caliber. See, it's equal ta his agility- "a"- plus his body mass index- "b" + his courage...
Justin: How the hell do you measure that?
Chupa: HUSH!!! Courage- "c"- times his hemoglobin content, "h", over s squared. Which is why this directly correlates ta our first blood match at Overdrive, cuz X-Caliber, you ain't worth SHIT! (Chupa pulls out ol' Bessy and shakes her... well, it... at the camera) Cuz ya see, "s" stands for SLEDGEHAMMER, with which I'm gonna knock you SQUARE upside yer head, and there damn sure ain't no way I'm puttin' you OVER! So you get ready and you bring your testicles down ta that there ring, and at Overdrive, the Goatsucker's gonna give you an amazin' demonstration in physics. Like two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time, but I'm damn sure gonna try ta break that rule when I'm smackin' you upside the melon with ol' Bessy here, yessirEEE!!!
Justin keeps his grin up, staring at the frothing lunatic.
Justin: Well, gee, look, that's all the time we have! Join us later as the Chupacabra takes on X-Caliber in a first blood match.
Chupa: Hey, wait a minute, I wasn't...
Justin: Let's go back to ringside!
The Chupster whines at Justin as the camera cuts to ringside, moments before Overdrive begins.
