Post by The Chupster on Mar 31, 2010 21:36:40 GMT -5
GWAR's "Nitro-Burnin' Funny Bong" blares from the arena speakers and the crowd gets to its feet in a confused wtf-fest as OCW United States Champion the Chupacabra makes his way out onto the stage.
The crowd is clearly divided. Some love him and cheer. Some hate him and boo. Some don't know what to do and pick their nose. A few ladies show their jugs, but the Chupster isn't here to gander over mammary glands; he's here to bitch, and by God, he starts in with gusto!
Chupa:[/b][/color] Everyone see this belt here? Yeah. This is the belt ah busted Chris Wallace's face to get. This belt right here says, "Chupa, yeah, he's the second best bastard in the company." It says, "Chupa, he kicked Chris Wallace's teeth in so hard they flew out his butt." It says... well, honestly, it says "OCW United States Champion: The Chupacabra." Ah busted mah hump ta get it, an' around this here waist it's gonna stay.
The fans cheer. The fans boo. The fans don't know what to do. Chupa shrugs.
Chupa:[/b] [/color] So's ah just needs me an answer. See, ah kick Wallace's teeth in, take the strap he earned his first match back- again, the second highest inna company. So what's he do? He runs off after Teabag. An' that's cool, hell, ah done whipped his ass twice now, ah ain't got no complaint 'bout that. BUT. BUT. Roll the footage, video guy.
The ColossalTron pops to life and shows some quick clips of the cage match from Backwoods Asskickin' to determine the new #1 contender to the X-Violence Championship, culminating in the Chupacabra winning.
Chupa:[/b][/color] See that? That there means ah'm the #1 contender fer one'a the belts what Teabag has. So on one hand, ya got Wallace- a guy ah done beat- who wants ta kick Teabag's ass in. On the other side, ya got Teabag, that doucher that ah beat down and put outta the business- but ta be fair, who beat me down in his first match back- who has a belt ah gotta claim to, but word around the back is, he's gonna challenge Wallace tonight.
The fans buzz as the Chupacabra throws up his arms.
Chupa: [/b][/color] So here's mah question. What the hell am ah supposed ta do?
The Chupster is showered with answers. A lot of them involve shoving the United States title somewhere he obviously doesn't want it. Some of them include kicking the shit out of both men. Chupa is obviously flummoxed.
Chupa:[/b][/color] No, ah'm positively fuckin' serious. Ah got two bastards that ah got perfectly valid reasons ta fight, who ah done earned the right ta fight, an' they wanna fight, but it ain't got nuttin' ta do with me. 'Cept fer that there X-Violence belt. Ah want me the fuck outta that belt. That belt- that means a shitload more ta ol' Chupa here than this belt. Ah don't need no belt ta tell me ah'm one'a the top badasses here; ah done know that. No; ah want the belt that tells everyone, ya fuck with THIS man, yer mostly likely leavin' with glass in yer ass and the taste'a boot in yer mouth, on a stretcher. An' ah dunno what ta do with that.
As the green Goatsucker pauses, the fans pick up the slack and throw more suggestions and the like his way. He listens for a bit, looking thoughtful- well, for the Chupster- and finally holds up his hands for silence. The crowd slowly throttles down.
Chupa: [/b][/color] So here's what ah'm out here ta do. Teabag, yer the X-Violence Champion, an' ah gotta claim ta that belt. That means no matter what ya want, no matter what ya do, the next motherfucker that gets a shot at that belt- that's me. So if ah hear ya challenge Wallace tonight ta come take that belt- make no mistake, ah will come and ah WILL fuck ya rectally with ol' Bessy here.
Chupa's hand pats the antique sledgehammer, cradled in its leather holster, and the fans finally decide on a course of action and erupt into happy agreement.
Chupa: [/b] [/color]Anything else ya decide, that's up ta you- but you remember, the Chupster ain't got a lotta patience, so you sess out yer shit with Wallace double fast, or ah WILL come and take what's mine forcefully like. And Wallace...
He pauses a moment.
Chupa:[/b][/color] Go fuck up a rope. If the most ya can do after takin' a Chupa-sized assbeatin'- twice, that is- is run off after yer lil goth girlfriend's big brother cuz ya know ya can't beat me, that's between you an' yer god. Ah done whooped yer ass, ah got nuttin' left ta prove there. But BOTH you fucknuts better realize- the Chupacabra WILL be the OCW X-Violence Champion cuz the Chupacabra IS the meanest, fightin'est motherfucker here, an' ah WILL put the both'a you down like DOGS if y'all's fiddle-fuckin' around mucks up me gettin' ta what's MINE. Y'all best understand that an' understand it GOOD. Teabag, ah'll be waitin'... ya best not disappoint me.
The fans, still somewhat divided, nonetheless react strongly as Chupa's theme hits, and he turns and makes his way backstage.
The crowd is clearly divided. Some love him and cheer. Some hate him and boo. Some don't know what to do and pick their nose. A few ladies show their jugs, but the Chupster isn't here to gander over mammary glands; he's here to bitch, and by God, he starts in with gusto!
Chupa:[/b][/color] Everyone see this belt here? Yeah. This is the belt ah busted Chris Wallace's face to get. This belt right here says, "Chupa, yeah, he's the second best bastard in the company." It says, "Chupa, he kicked Chris Wallace's teeth in so hard they flew out his butt." It says... well, honestly, it says "OCW United States Champion: The Chupacabra." Ah busted mah hump ta get it, an' around this here waist it's gonna stay.
The fans cheer. The fans boo. The fans don't know what to do. Chupa shrugs.
Chupa:[/b] [/color] So's ah just needs me an answer. See, ah kick Wallace's teeth in, take the strap he earned his first match back- again, the second highest inna company. So what's he do? He runs off after Teabag. An' that's cool, hell, ah done whipped his ass twice now, ah ain't got no complaint 'bout that. BUT. BUT. Roll the footage, video guy.
The ColossalTron pops to life and shows some quick clips of the cage match from Backwoods Asskickin' to determine the new #1 contender to the X-Violence Championship, culminating in the Chupacabra winning.
Chupa:[/b][/color] See that? That there means ah'm the #1 contender fer one'a the belts what Teabag has. So on one hand, ya got Wallace- a guy ah done beat- who wants ta kick Teabag's ass in. On the other side, ya got Teabag, that doucher that ah beat down and put outta the business- but ta be fair, who beat me down in his first match back- who has a belt ah gotta claim to, but word around the back is, he's gonna challenge Wallace tonight.
The fans buzz as the Chupacabra throws up his arms.
Chupa: [/b][/color] So here's mah question. What the hell am ah supposed ta do?
The Chupster is showered with answers. A lot of them involve shoving the United States title somewhere he obviously doesn't want it. Some of them include kicking the shit out of both men. Chupa is obviously flummoxed.
Chupa:[/b][/color] No, ah'm positively fuckin' serious. Ah got two bastards that ah got perfectly valid reasons ta fight, who ah done earned the right ta fight, an' they wanna fight, but it ain't got nuttin' ta do with me. 'Cept fer that there X-Violence belt. Ah want me the fuck outta that belt. That belt- that means a shitload more ta ol' Chupa here than this belt. Ah don't need no belt ta tell me ah'm one'a the top badasses here; ah done know that. No; ah want the belt that tells everyone, ya fuck with THIS man, yer mostly likely leavin' with glass in yer ass and the taste'a boot in yer mouth, on a stretcher. An' ah dunno what ta do with that.
As the green Goatsucker pauses, the fans pick up the slack and throw more suggestions and the like his way. He listens for a bit, looking thoughtful- well, for the Chupster- and finally holds up his hands for silence. The crowd slowly throttles down.
Chupa: [/b][/color] So here's what ah'm out here ta do. Teabag, yer the X-Violence Champion, an' ah gotta claim ta that belt. That means no matter what ya want, no matter what ya do, the next motherfucker that gets a shot at that belt- that's me. So if ah hear ya challenge Wallace tonight ta come take that belt- make no mistake, ah will come and ah WILL fuck ya rectally with ol' Bessy here.
Chupa's hand pats the antique sledgehammer, cradled in its leather holster, and the fans finally decide on a course of action and erupt into happy agreement.
Chupa: [/b] [/color]Anything else ya decide, that's up ta you- but you remember, the Chupster ain't got a lotta patience, so you sess out yer shit with Wallace double fast, or ah WILL come and take what's mine forcefully like. And Wallace...
He pauses a moment.
Chupa:[/b][/color] Go fuck up a rope. If the most ya can do after takin' a Chupa-sized assbeatin'- twice, that is- is run off after yer lil goth girlfriend's big brother cuz ya know ya can't beat me, that's between you an' yer god. Ah done whooped yer ass, ah got nuttin' left ta prove there. But BOTH you fucknuts better realize- the Chupacabra WILL be the OCW X-Violence Champion cuz the Chupacabra IS the meanest, fightin'est motherfucker here, an' ah WILL put the both'a you down like DOGS if y'all's fiddle-fuckin' around mucks up me gettin' ta what's MINE. Y'all best understand that an' understand it GOOD. Teabag, ah'll be waitin'... ya best not disappoint me.
The fans, still somewhat divided, nonetheless react strongly as Chupa's theme hits, and he turns and makes his way backstage.
