The Main Event jabbers about ghosts or something

[The Chupster]

Backstage, Hugh Jass is walking the halls, looking for some wrestlers to accost. Fortunately, he stumbles into a seething Adam Riley.

Adam: Rat FUCK bulbous-headed sister-kissing mongoloid MOTHerFUCKer! Toilet-licking piece of...

Hugh (tossing aside a half-eaten Twinkie, shifting into interviewer mode): So Adam, what's got you so worked up?

Adam stops pacing, noticing the rotund asshat for the first time.

Adam: Excuse me? "Adam"? "ADAM"? We've talked about this, lard ass.

Hugh: I'm sorry, Mr. Riley. What seems to have you so flustered?

Adam unballs a first, producing a crumpled paper ball. He smoothes it out, and it's a picture from his match against Ed Hong Toms- the moment the Main Event took the Reverse Spinning Double Titty Punch.

Adam: Have you SEEN THIS SHIT??? Someone has had these fuckers printed IN BULK. The Main Event can't walk down the hall, can't enter the locker room, can't get a snack out of the snack machine, can't even take a peaceful SHIT without this... this GARBAGE staring me in the face!!!

Hugh: That's truly unfortunate.

Adam: Truly unfortunate? TRULY UNFORTUNATE??? That chain-wielding bubble-headed cheating-ass fuckweasel managed to beat me. ME! How does that even HAPPEN???

Hugh: I can't say I know, but I'm going to pretend that it isn't funny as hell.

Adam: WHAT???

Hugh: I said my socks have began to smell.

Adam (turning toward the camera): Well let me tell ya something, Fat Jass, and let me point this out to every slack-jawed, redneck, viagra-popping jerkoff watching right now: that shit was a FLUKE. The Main Event has requested a rematch this week, and it's gonna be me and you, OCW's Main Event vs. God'a argument against bestiality, and when it's all said and done and that three gets counted, you're gonna wish your mama hadn't shit you out while giving Barry Horowitz a Cleveland Steamer in the back of that crowded WWE bang bus! The Main Event is gonna hit you so hard that your grandma's virginity grows back! You haven't begun to...

Hugh: So what you're saying is, this time, you're actually going to win.

Adam's face instantly falls. He goes from the very image of rage to utterly defeated in the space of a second.

Adam: The Main Event... is gonna go meditate, Hugh. Please don't be out here when he returns.

Hugh (clapping Adam on the back): Always good to talk to you, Adam.

Without another word, Adam Riley walks through the nearby locker room door.

Hugh: 3... 2... 1...

Right on cue, the sounds of screaming and lockers being pummeled emanate from the room.

Hugh: God DAMN, sometimes I love being me. Okay, let's really wallpaper this area.

Hugh folds the top page of his clipboard over, revealing a fuck-ton of Reverse Spinning Double Titty Punch flyers. Various OCW employees run up, grabbing handfuls and taping them to any surface in the nearby area as the camera fades out.